Dear Lounge Advice, I'm a Vanilla interested in easing into the lifestyle with my partner who has been in it for years. How can I relieve my anxiety? He was afraid to tell me for fear that I would run in the other direction. He was surprised to lean that I have close friends in the lifestyle who are married. He has asked me different questions to get a feel of my adventurous sexual side and has said that he does think he could go back to "ordinary sex". I am okay with this because I love him and except him. Also, because I know he loves me. I understand about building a foundation before entering the lifestyle and he is taking things at my pace. My only concern is that he said he has not been in the lifestyle since we started dating seriously, however he still checks his emails and reponds to the profiles of others. We are not listed as a couple as we are not at that level. Should I be concerned. I have taken it upon myself to get on sites and try to gather as much info as possible. I also considered gooing to a meet and greet with a girlfriend to see how I feel and not have the pressure of him watching me. This would be without telling him. Would that be considered deceitful? I read previous post and saw that you recommended the zacnzoey website for newcomers. I went there and could not fnd anything. Does it still exist? So many questions! Sincerely, (Anonymous)

Dear (Anonymous), ZacnZoey does not exist anymore. They were the former advice couple before me. I wouldn't be highly concerned that he is still checking e-mails, but I would recomment that you ask him to create a couple's profile and eliminate the single profile. He's probably still upholding the connections he is making in the hopes that you'll join in and take advantage of the momentum that he has built already. I wouldn't consider it deceitful for you to go to a meet and greet, however, it would be in your interest just to tell him. If you are both going to venture into this together, word may come back to him that someone saw you at an event. Then his trust in you may come into question. Just be honest with him and let him know why you want to go to it without him for the first time. If he loves the idea of you getting into the lifestyle with him, he'll probably be fine with this, especially since you have no intention of doing anything without him. Otherwise, you have the right idea when you speak of laying a good foundation and setting a comfortable pace. If he loves you, he will not pressure you or make you feel awkward about any of this. Take the reigns and guide the action and pace. A good man will allow you to do this, and wait until you are comfy until proceeding father. If you take the lead, you will feel much more at ease during the transition.   ASKROBYN

Dear Lounge Advice, We have been on the site since 2003, and when we first became members the Forum seemed full of great advice for improving our sex life. Today we posted a request for play tips and all got was a bunch of quirky smart alecky replies. This, unfortunately, seems to be the personality of the FORUM now. Alas. So we turn to you. We just want some tips for making the most of our play time - Say you are a couple, and you have a three hour window for fun, a play-place ready, and two of your favorite single males at your service. You could simply get in to bed and go for the 3-guy fuck, or ... to make it even MORE interesting you might add _________________________________________ to the mix. Or, to put it another way, the Mrs would like some CREATIVE suggestions on how to take advantage of her three favorite boys ready to please her for three hours. Some PRELIMINARY fun, FOREPLAY fun, DURING PLAY fun, etc. And we mean a little beyond the suck and fuck make me hard make me cum. Any suggestions? THANKS! BTW- pretty much tuning out the FORUM permanently. It just seems silly any more. Sincerely, (Anonymous)

Dear (Anonymous), Unfortunately, I have to agree with you on the forum comments. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Mutual Massage- With three men, could you imagine the amazing work you could do to her! Many people would think that this could put them to sleep and take the drive out of the night. Not if you do it this way- Do it deep tissue, with each man focusing on a different body part. NO touching her vagina during this. Let her do that herself if she feels the urge. Low lights, edible massage oil and seductive music of her choice (prepare this especially for her ahead of time). Start this way- One of you does her back, one does her legs, and one massages her butt. Switch up a couple of times. Now, to keep her alert without getting her TOO relaxed, periodically run your hands through her hair to massage her head, then indulge in some light full-fisted hair pulling while the other two men up the tempo on the deep tissue work. Work up her legs while doing this and tease around her vagina, but don't touch it. Flip her over and do the same, but now you all get to massage her breasts. Still, no touching the vagina. Instead, take her hand and place it there and make her do the work. This is when you can start kissing her. Finish off the massage by all of you licking/sucking the edible massage oil off of her in seperate places. The neck is a great place to focus on for women. Save the vagina for last. Then, you can transition into this: Masturbation- There are a lot of fun applications you can try with masturbation. How about the "Look But Don't Touch" approach. You all play with yourselves while you all watch each other, but touching one another is not allowed. See who breaks down first- fun game. If used after the massage, the juices will be flowing heavily, so it's a great build up to penetration. AND/OR If it's the guys she wants to focus on, here's a fun activity that thinks outside of the box (no pun intended) BYOB- I thought this up out of a fetish for glory holes. It's a bit of a twist on the traditional glory hole, and works for situations that include more than one man. It also calls for bedsheet mutilation. Bring Your Own Bedsheet. Cut out three holes in a large bedsheet that would accomodate three 'hard' men laying down. They should be at least 8 inches in diameter to accomodate for any movement. The three men lay side by side and get covered entirely by the bedsheet. SHE situates the sheet on top of all of you, and guides your cocks through the holes. Essentially, you end up with three completely covered men (heads especially so they can't see), with three stiff pieces of meat poking out from the holes. Since the guys can't see what's going on topside, she can keep them guessing by stroking two cocks and sucking on the other, teasing the tips, dragging her breasts around the cocks, etc. She can use her imagination here, but the best part is keeping the guys in suspense since they can't see what she's going to do next. When she's ready, she can crawl under the bedsheets and start the action. Tip: Guys should avoid wiggling around TOO much during the BYOB fun to ensure that the holes over the other guys' penises don't get tugged and chaff the edges of their penises (hence, the larger diameter to the hole cutting to allow for some 'give'. During the full-on sex, you can go full lights-out to enhance the other senses besides sight. The brain is the largest sexual organ, so having to interpret/imagine is sometimes just as fun as visually interpreting the action. Of course, this can be more challenging than being able to see, but it's fun to try. I once had a man bring out an IPOD and put the buds in my ears during sex. He had an awesome mix of sultry music on there, and it was such a cool experience to have sex with his version of sexy sounds pulsing through my senses. Candles- A must for ambiance, scent stimulation, and even for dripping on her if she likes that. IF she's open to this, here's something *I* enjoy- With three men, you can easily hold her down and have your ways with her so she can't wiggle. Some women like this, and others have issue with it, so ask first. It leaves her at your mercies and it drives the right woman absolutely wild. The best sexual situations, in my opinion, integrate full sensory saturation. If you keep this in mind, it will be a night to remember.   ASKROBYN